Healthy Relationships: Seven Sweeping Suggestions Before You Take the Plunge! Part 1

There are many types of relationships in the world, but the one most basic to the human experience, the one that guarantees the stability of a community, the one that is the most meaningful and personal of all relationships, is the marital relationship.

Happy marriages make for less anxiety, less divorce, less stressed-out kids, less acting-out kids, happier bosses, more productivity and better health. All of which contribute to a rosier world. Therefore, choosing a mate is a far-reaching proposition.

To increase the chances of creating a valuable marriage, there needs to be a blending, of sorts, of lifestyles and philosophies. With a myriad of coordinated values between couples, there is less to fight over and more to look forward to. And though life carries untold surprises along the way, having a set of values by which to choose a mate certainly could go a long way in selecting and living with (till death do you part) the right person. So when some intense, ugly surprise comes along, there is a deeper bonding to which you and your mate can adhere.

Everyone could make a list of exactly what the perfect mate is, but between a pounding heart and searing hormones, it’s just not a natural act. And despite the mental bells and alarms that ring and buzz and carry on from our own inner instincts, that incessant libido can and will insist that this one person, this love-to-end-all-love, is the perfect mate. But the libido makes errors in judgment and what we have left is divorce run amuck in our culture. So, before you take the plunge, think on these few suggestions. They could make a big difference in the future of your marriage.

Religion

Are you the same religion, or do you have the same religious beliefs? It may not seem important now, but it is a definite fact that as people mature, and/or have children, religion comes into play in an extensive way. It’s very difficult to raise children in two religions, especially if they are in the opposite direction of one another, i.e., Judaism and Christianity. It’s confusing for children, and stressful on the grandparents. (Need I say more?)

Children

Do you both want them? This is a gigantic issue. Don’t lie and say you do if you don’t, and vice versa. If you do want them, talk about your philosophical beliefs in raising them. It doesn’t make for a sexy conversation, but it is an undeniably revealing one. Would you be strict or lenient? How important is education? Do you believe in the importance of a parent being there to raise your child? How many do you want? Can you afford them?

Beliefs in everyday things like money, modesty and morality

Couples fight about money more than anything else. Listen for key attitudes about money and spending habits. Discuss what you think is too much credit card debt. Are you willing to commit to someone awash in debt? Can you be a responsible mate if you’ve let your finances get out of hand? Being of the same mind financially makes an abundance of difference in a relationship. Find out where each of you stand in this matter.

In regards to modesty … do you like the way this person talks about past experiences? For instance, you hear, “my roommate (of the opposite sex) and I used to hang out naked all the time!” If statements like this make you feel uncomfortable, you are probably not a match in the modesty department. Note this fascinating person might still like to prance around anywhere in the buff. Are you game?

And on the subject of morality, a revealing statement could be, “my best friend is having a steamy affair, and I let her use my apartment this weekend.” Words like this hold powerful messages. Does it mean she thinks cheating on a spouse is OK? Would she cheat on you? Do all her friends cheat? Why does she think this is OK?

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October 5th, 2011 - Posted in Women's Health | | Comments Off

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